Your life doesn’t have to be perfect to evolve. It begins in the mess. And that’s how I reclaimed my happiness… within the fucked up mess of my life!
Often, I read amazing survivor stories of how men and women face near death experiences but still come out alive and well enough to share their testimony. I’m often called a survivor. No, I wasn’t in a near fatal accident, attacked and left for dead, born with a fatal illness… none of that! But my trauma was equivalent to like experiences. I’ve never embraced such a term because I always felt I had to be at death’s door physically to be called such an honorable word. It took me until now to embrace that I am a survivor! If you’ve ever read the book, A Child Called ‘It’… I was him… the “It.” For years, I was subjected to extreme physical, verbal and even sexual abuse before and during my earlier years in foster care. Under the age of eight, I was locked in a room for days in my first foster home and only fed left over scraps from someone’s plate (on a good day), living in abandoned buildings and cars, raised by drug users and gang members, witnessed violent crimes while living in Chicago projects that even resulted in witnessing the loss of lives… I can carry on for hours. When asked how did I survive years of trauma, I’ve always credited DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) caseworker, my 10+ years of professional counseling and the loving strangers in my community I was introduced to with my last two foster homes (my “forever homes” that I call my family to this day). And although both played a part in who I am today, the real help came from my survivor instincts – inner self-talks and a combination of unique coping methods that have helped me and still help me to this day.
Growing up, I did everything imaginable to help mask and cure my pain. I used expert information and modified it to fit my comfort and reality. I was reading self-help books by Iynala Vanzant and poems by Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni and Langston Hughes to pull me through. I listened to Louis Armstrong’s, What A Wonderful World (my fav), and other songs of hope to keep me going during dark times. I was journaling constantly and writing my way to a peaceful place, which was a passion I carried to college, which led me to major in Journalism. I was relying on life lessons around me and other people’s problems as examples to prevent their situations from occurring in my own life. When I felt like giving up on life, I recited positive quotes to get me through the moment. I was dependent on my mind and the many fantasies it took me on. I was growing in my faith and clinging to God’s promises to me. I was dreaming of a better tomorrow, ALWAYS! I’ve always wanted happiness, yearned for it and waited for it…. And although I’ve come close to reaching my ultimate happiness throughout the years, I can honestly say in 2019 I got it, and BOOM… Selfish Dee was born. What began as a solo journey quickly turned into my passion to help women like you and me reclaim the life and happiness we deserve.
Maintaining your peace is the trillest thing you can do for yourself!
I maintain my newfound happiness by making life selfish; Turning every situation I encounter into self-love. Turning everything I hear, see, read & touch into a positive message, vibe or moment by using influences around me that impacts my energy – news, songs, TV shows/movies, urban phrases, memes, social media, family, friends, and most definitely my enemies. lol
My goal is to introduce self-love and care into your everyday reality… A reality that may be stagnant at the moment. As much as we hope, some of us don’t have a choice in some of the most painful areas in our lives. You can’t get rid of that stressful job (just yet) when unemployment rate is rising. You can’t strangle the girl in the neighborhood who’s spreading rumors about you because law enforcement will be at your doorstep (I did come close a few times… BUT GOD!!!). Let’s face it… It’s not easy to change every damn thing in our lives in an instant all in the pursuit of happiness. If you’re a single parent, your kids may annoy the hell outta you but you can’t get rid of them, morally. You’re “stuck”! So what do you do when you’re stuck, not able to make a full leap into transforming into this lifestyle YET (because eventually you will need to), or you’re just beginning? You adapt!
My approach to self-love is unconventional, sophistiratchet, holistic and hip-hop, but it’s practical and I’ve never looked back. I’m still a work in progress, but I can definitely say I’m content on this long, rocky and unpredictable journey that self-love gurus take to get to that “expert” vibe of blocking shit out.
My focus is on energy, emotions and mindset. I use a combination of special coaching skills, energy healing, travel and local events, meditations, trapfirmations/affirmations and other tools and techniques to support women like you who want to evolve, align their soul, raise their self-confidence, know their self-worth and ultimately be a badass radical and advocate for themselves to heal + grow + love + evolve to experience a joy-filled life.
My work is for you IF you’re ready to: let go of the past, stop the negative self-talk that consumes you, experience happiness and wake the fuck up each day feeling good about yourself to the point you become obsessed with your life.
We’re human! Things happen to push our fucking triggers. We can’t heal and grow overnight by reading affirmations, taking courses, etc., BUT it’s a start! That was my start and my reality that took me from baby steps to walking full throttle in my purpose. Selfish Dee is my safe space to align my mind, body and soul MY WAY! It is the place where my fuckups are embraced, but forces me to get back on track. The place that complements my lifestyle and how I like to learn – easy, fun, educational, politically incorrect and bad ass vibes with a hint of bougie and hood. So if that’s your style, this space is for you. If you’re starting your self-love journey and don’t know where to start, Selfish Dee is for you. If you’re open to trying new and successful methods (approved and unapproved by experts), again, Selfish Dee is for you! And if you determine Selfish Dee is for you, then WELCOME! Let’s get started, okuuuur!!!!
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